in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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