Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
