He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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