Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
