Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
