And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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