I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
