He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
