This girl is more easily done than said...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
