Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
