There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
