haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
