are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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