my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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