So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
