I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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