A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
