so explain again why im purple
no
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
