im having a threesome with these popsicles
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
