I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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