So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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