All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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