I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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