careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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