I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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