Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
