did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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