Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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