Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
