i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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