Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
