areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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