And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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