my vag is so smooth its legendary
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
