The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
