A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
