brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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