i will never coherently bang her
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Randomize
