Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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