Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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