i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
