wakey wakey hands off snakey
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
