dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
