that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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