I have demons in me.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
