I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
