Can Purell be used as lube?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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