she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
