this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
