She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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