Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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