Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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