If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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