Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
