Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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