3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
