my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
