it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
