That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
