This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
