HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
