I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
