I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
