I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
