the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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