life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize