This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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