I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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