Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
